alive and fighting.

We fight to stay alive.

Make our beds with images and moments...
The substance of, or substances that feel like air in our lungs...water on our skin...

fire on the altar
alcohol in the blood
opiate for the nerves

We throw up our hands,
grasping at the right to feel...

something.

Try your giving up, only to find yourself trying.

To feel.
To know you have life.

The mandatory war of breath and existence.
We all, with or without the judgements on our lips,

we fight to stay alive.

breathing in.

I'm not that far from reality.

One breath in;
cold air against tired and tattered lungs

Even this handwriting is tired...
disorganized, contrived.

Whether they understand me or not,
I am living for what is real for now,
not then..

not them.

There always seems to be a gentle discontent in the voice of my words.



But I have learned that the pain perceived is, more often than not,
a hidden joy.

For the joy set before Him...

Vision gives pain purpose.
Purpose gives pain vision.

Pain gives purpose perspective.

The qualifier of passion..
hardship takes the helm at the open seas of live yet lived.

And we, her passengers, become either the heroes of the storm
or the cowards of her wreckage.

Well, I for one, do not plan to go down with your ship.

Call me the self-absorbed one.
Yes, I took the life boat.
Yes, I took the life vest.

Yes. I preserved my life.

I have eyes beyond your taunting influence.

Justice beyond your lofty judgements.

Because I know.

I have tasted of the age to come,
the sweetness of a woman's courage,
the hurricane of her discontent...

I have seen the "worth it" of the worthless.

One breath in...
    starlit air in my punctured, heaving lungs.

I hurt for real.
Feel the pain of sincerity...

and consider these things worth it.

I'm not that far from reality.

toneed.

Maintenance.
Silent keeping of a heart that often forgets to keep beating.

But what was once a 2nd nature seems to have deteriorated in time...

obligation steals away the breaths you're supposed to take.

Here, the gently unsettled place between sleep and awake,
here is where there is recollection of what it is to need.

I was once a brave soul,
standing tall in the face of giants,
slaying them with my sling full of seasoned words and vain repetitions.

Oh, the vanity of words...
the self-importance of knowledge.

I was once a swollen chest,
a proudly pulsing rhythm in a cavernous hull...

resonating like it was full.

Hiding like it was empty.

And so it was.  And so I see.
That what was once a second nature was in truth a learned behavior.

I am a lung that needs the air.
We have hearts that beat without our permission,
without our diligence.

There is no second nature, but only surely what is natural.

I have nothing but to be loved,
and therein be brought to life.

And still I maintain.
Try my hand at machines I don't understand.
Aim to change,
and fall just short of indifference.

Around again, to the same conclusions,
and melodies dancing in my head.

Here between sleep and awake,
gently unsettled.

I need You.
This is what it is to need.

Inside of me (a song for Kellye Rae: written mostly before she said yes to me)

I'll be funny just to make you laugh,
and let you keep thinking that time's just passing..

'cause you don't know how you warm my heart.

I'll find a melody that I can sing to,
'cause I know if I start it then you might sing too..

I can't say it now, but you're all I want.

I've been trying to find a way to tell you,
but I couldn't find the words.
Trying to find a way to say you're more beautiful,
than anything I've seen or heard.
Even melody and rhythm fail me,
and harmony makes it worse..
'cause there's just no way to tell you what you're worth...

I love you just the way you are,
and baby can't you see my heart has come alive
since you found your way inside.

I knew it when I saw your eyes,
and baby don't you know you don't have to try,
'cause you found your way inside of me.

I'll spend my life to give you butterflies,
and know its not a waste of my time..

I'll only move if I you'll take my hand.

Run into you to get you close to me,
hand in hand its you I'm breathing,

excuse me miss...
may I have this dance?

I've been trying to find a way to tell you,

but I couldn't find the words.

Trying to find a way to say you're more beautiful,

than anything I've seen or heard.

Even melody and rhythm fail me,

and harmony makes it worse..

'cause there's just no way to tell you what you're worth...

I love you just the way you are,

and baby can't you see my heart has come alive

since you found your way inside.

I knew it when I saw your eyes, 

and baby don't you know you don't have to try,

'cause you found your way inside

of me.

eternity dust.

What worn refrain.

"There must be more to this life"...
And yet in the free-will stillness inside of me,
I hear the familiar voice of discontent.

Where is life, but in favorable company,
too much to drink, and the general abiding sense

that everything is going to be okay?

Where is life but where You give it...
where You breathe it in?

I have come to one conclusion,
standing like the immortal fortress
among the ruins of all that I've believed concerning You...

it is the occupation of humanity to follow the breath.

The vestige of a dying breed;
evidence of beings whose very existence
gives testimony to Yours.

Those led of the spirit;
those called the Sons of God.

There must be more to this life.
There must be life within this life.

There is a dust on my eyelids that gives flight to my dreams..

it is always the waking that grounds me.

brave love.

You are an unflinching affection.

I am an outcome,
and the object.

Let there be...
Without confine or concern;
without tyranny or precaution.

With joy.

Setting aside pretense;
I've come to delight in blood.


Congealed light, washed along my eyelids,
spilling over remorse;
running through my veins.

For the joy set before You, there is joy fixed within me.
Flesh wed with spirit;
one now
and forever.

What I once imagined to plague your heart,
I've realized only served its role in Your acclaim.

ALL things new.
ALL, together for the good.
ALL live, and move, and have their being.

You are the bravest heart;
the truest love.

Let there be light; let there be love.
You are an unflinching affection.

You are brave love.

the coming.

I will keep my eyes open.

When the ground trembles and the water rises,

I will refuse to miss the brilliant coming.

Watch.

Watch and pray,

You who call on the Lord.

Though an army encamp against me,

though war may rise against me,

in this I will be confident.

I look to the hills;

to the horizon,

where my hope comes from.

Behold, beloved...

longing, He rides the sunset.

I will keep my eyes open,

because therein is this joy of mine fulfilled.

I will decrease, You will increase...

therein I am satisfied.

I will keep my eyes open, 

to behold the One I hope in.

I will make for you a resting place.

I will keep my eyes open.