Friday, July 29, 2011

flesh and dust.

It has been so long...
and we've come so far together.

In the roaring cement waterfall,
my words drift on forgotten winds.

But You haven't forgotten a thing, have You?

The rise and fall of kingdoms;
war and reign; loss and victory.
Like testimony of grandeur long past,
I've stood with You atop the rubble of their walls.

Eyes closed in willed establishment against a river of remembrance...

In the darkness behind them, I do remember.
I'll always remember.

Oh how this flesh would love to affirm the feared abandoment,
and give voice to its cogency as my due verdict.

It's all the same stuff, flesh and dust.

I can hardly tell the difference between flesh clothing the hand extended
toward You and the cavernous fractures in the arid desert floor that meets my knees.

I am withered,
but surely not alone.

It's the memory that escapes from my clenched eyelids to
moisten the earth it falls to,
that makes a liar of this carnal frame...

You will neither leave me, nor forsake me.

You know me.
You hear me.
You have not forgotten a thing.

I feel You, like skin, enclosing what could not clothe itself.

I feel the blood again...
heartbeat...after heartbeat...

You make all things new.

Hello, old friend. Well done, good and faithful...
My heart breaks to know You're still with me.

It has been so long, and we've been so far.

But it would seem I've finally grasped the distance.
I've finally arrived at together.

Thank You for together.
I have, and will, love You back.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

broken; made whole.

If here is the easiest place, I want to be alive somewhere else;
beyond the company of its memory.
Here is without you.

And you are a part now.
The steady rhythm hidden in my chest listens for your voice;
rising at the timbre, slowing in the absence.

I wonder often if you know that you still make me nervous.
What a brilliant enchantment; 
heart recklessly infatuated, stomach dancing the anticipation...
hand searching for yours.

Who am I?
That you would choose me; let me try to love you.
Only one other ever afforded me the grace...

but then again, He affords it to all who'd have it.

But you...
you chose one. 

To one.

You let me be the only...
It's all I ever wanted.

If here is without you, it is not the easiest place.
No one promised easy.
Here is for you. 
Here is about then. 

Here is for always.

Steady rhythm, hidden in my chest..
rising quickly, falling with measure.
It felt you, and set awry its course...

rising quickly, falling in love.
Now the blood gets where it needs to.

thank you.
forever...thank you.

broken; made whole.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

undiscovered. [for my sisters]

There is an ache inside of me that is bigger than I am.
I have only to burst at the seams; to relieve the pressure.
Resolution and water bleed from my eyes together.

Gratitude. Longing that you would have what you deserve.
For now, a heart rent and the warmth on my face will have to be voice enough.

They may not, but I know you.

Simple compassion and courage burn in your veins;
hearts formed in fire, injustice long-suffered.
Selflessness is lived before it's ever learned.
Let alone given away.

I remember...
every turning of face toward forgiveness;
every joy made from ashes;
every rejection rendered helpless;
every way you chose to love...

I remember.

Hidden between years and familiarity,
you have yet to be discovered.
Time would do away with the wonder;
Oh, closeted not forget.

I know how He fights for you.
I know how He feels what you do.
I know Him.
I know He has not lost hope.

There is too much still for you,
too much still within you.
Expression falls short now.

Maybe its better...I don't know what longing I hurt for, exactly.
But I know that I will pour myself out,
fill the heart of heaven with words,
until you have what you're worth..

until you know how it is you are loved.
Until you know how it is you deserve to always be..
Until you've believed that you are undiscovered.

weary land.

The drought has lingered longer than expected.
And the problem with the patterns of weather is their only consistency being in their unpredictable nature.

Gathering stores for the desert in the middle of it is a much harder process than if I'd chosen oil when much abounded.

But in the barrenness, there is a slow climbing anticipation;
a hope that sustains the validity and position of its self-existent truth.

You are with me.

Four very distinct and separate words,
each legitimized by the first.
Nothing has been lost. Everything has to be found.
All the power of every season is in who You are in the midst of it.

Be rain here.
Be joy here.
Be life here.
Be hope...oh God, be my hope.

The dampened corners of my eyes are the only oasis this heart has known;
the abstract water and comfort in a dry and weary land.

You will lead me...You always lead me.

Monday, July 18, 2011


We sing together.
So what is this labor in my soul; this strain for a sound from the silence?
Always trying, always peering beyond an edge that possesses no boundary.

Funny, how performance makes a product from a passion.

I forget, sometimes, that the captivating demarcation in harmony is the second sound.
You make melody worth my time.
The very rhythm of existence resonates at the eternity it came from.
Sympathetic vibration; empathy in motion.  

Even in the tide of a moon that follows Your ordinance,
water ebbs and flows, hearts grow strong and break.
In you, life and movement, continuation and recompense.
Oh, just being...

to bind up the broken hearted; declare liberty to the captives...
my heart beats outside of my willing it.
You breathe me in, outside of my wanting it.
We, You, because You first us.
And oh how desperately I want it.

The ever-present adversity of habit: an indelible romance with the pain it wrought.

The hurt makes it real; makes you real.
The sting of a cigarette drag; the burn of the vodka; the prick of the needle...
the death of the cross.

For the joy set before You.
You breathed me in, because you had flesh to feel it.
You loved it. You loved me.
You loved.

Human like me. Human with me. Human for me.
I am a melody that You made worth the time.
Sing out loud. Your voice is sweet; Your face is lovely.
Sympathetic vibration, at the sound of your empathy.
At the sound of your symphony; the wind and waves provide the movements.
Rest, I will. Of my own free will.
I am simply and profoundly a melody.
And we sing together.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Convincing Wind

I am a sparrow.

Falling slowly, rising surely...
carried away and moved by boldly changing winds

My way has been made narrow.

Call me lowly, draw me early...
verily I'll come if you will only draw me in

I am a sparrow, and yet flight remains foreign...
if this way is truly narrow, here I falter from my course.

I have this grace and still stay grounded.
For fear of losing my footing, I'll fold away my wings.
My heart would close if You'd ask it to open;
my feet would question the ground they've learned to take hope in.

So what business has a sparrow being here where I am?
Who can I be that You would see me?

But surely...

You've caused me to lay my head down to rest.
I am clean in the roar of Your waterfalls.
It's here I understand that You care about me;
that You are mindful of my frame.

You open these gilded wings in the warmth of Your gentle, and boldly changing wind.

I am a sparrow.
My way has been made narrow.